I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
