It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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