dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
