i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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