I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
