he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
