oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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