Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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