hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
