I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
