How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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