Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
