Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
