If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
