Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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