I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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