I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
