420 ftw
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
