so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
