They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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