Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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