I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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