Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
