Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
