Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
