I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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