tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
