He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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