Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
