Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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