The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
