Tell her she can't have a vagina
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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