I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
