i was born a porn star she said
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
