I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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