Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
