at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
