Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
