the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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