I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
