Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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