You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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