waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
