Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
