I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
