He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
