he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
