You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
