I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
