life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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