the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
