i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
