Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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