I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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