I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
