hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
