12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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