I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
