ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
