I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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