He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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