Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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