Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize