Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
