You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
