he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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