My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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