its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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