I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
