u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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