the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
