I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
