So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Houston, we have a blender
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
