Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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