I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
