it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Damn victory sex feels great
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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